Friday, October 17, 2014

That one time I almost gave up on running

I am a runner

I used to be a good runner, a dedicated runner, a motivated runner.
I used to run miles and miles every week.
I ran with friends,
I ran with strangers,
I ran on my lunch break,
I ran at 3:45 in the morning,
 I ran in the snow or rain, 
I even placed from time to time in my age group, sometimes it seemed like I lived to run.
I Loved to run.

Then I moved to California.
I had another baby,
I'm home with kids all day,
I don't even have many friends who run,
I don't get lunch breaks,
and its always HOT.

So what that means is that I have had to rely on my own motivation and desire to keep the running fire burning......and let me tell you, it just about fizzled out.

I still love to run but finding time is so hard. Running used to be so social time and solo time for me all at the same time, then it became a quick 30 min run here and there sandwiched between a million other things that needed to be done. I have had a tough time finding that coveted "balance" that so many moms (stay at home or working) are desperate to achieve.

I have been so hard on myself, and trust me, I can insult myself better than anyone. I have always had high energy, endless optimism about what I can achieve and my own self why oh why did I lack any energy at ALL? Did I use all my enthusiasm and energy homeschooling? Were my kids sucking the life out of me literally? Kidding!! Was it really the weather? Really the lack of the social aspect? When was I going to snap out of it??

I get up a few times a week and go to the gym but recently, my husband, (who has now become my running partner) gets up with me at 5:00 am about 3 mornings a week and we run. Just 3 miles, just him and me.
The weather is cool and now that I have a 12 year old we can go alone.

At first I was dragging, he just about drug me out of bed. But something happened.......last week I started feeling the same enthusiasm I had felt when I first started running (when Mason was Cooper's age). I begin to think that maybe I have been too hard on myself. I have gone through SO many changes since I moved to California.

New job
New house
New friends
New routine
New baby
New town
New church
New at homeschooling

Each of those things alone marks a huge life change and I have been tackling them one after the other since we moved with no break. I often compare my life here with my life in Oregon and that may be the most damaging thing I can do. I am here, not there. It will not be like it was before, this is my new life. I cannot lose who I am just because I am 500 miles from home. I have to learn how to function, adapt.
I know, you would think I would have taken care of all of these details by now but I guess I am a slow learner.

So, this week I have resolve with new energy. I am a servant of my house and family and that is fine, I have no complaints. But I WILL carve out some time for what I love. The weather is a bit tamer this time of year and I have my sight set on some running goals. The kids are getting a little bigger and I refuse to talk myself out of finding joy in what I love.

Get ready for an overload of optimism, because I am back!

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